Tag Archives: forgiveness

Gratitude and Forgiveness

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When I ask people to think about the qualities in friends and family members they are grateful for, most folks can come up with an extensive list such as:  “I’m grateful for their support, their love, their listening skills, their compassion; or, they make me laugh, I feel good around them, they taught me something valuable, or introduced me to someone or something that has made a positive impact on my life.”  However, most of us have one person (sometimes several) where we have trouble seeing anything positive.  Sometimes it’s somebody from the past who has hurt us deeply.  Frequently, it’s a parent who was far from perfect, whom we feel may be the cause of our current limitations.

Even though this hurt or betrayal happened long ago…and we may not even think about this person much…it still effects our peace of mind and so much more.  The inability to forgive someone is a toxic brew that affects our physical, emotional and spiritual health.  It can also block the benefits we might receive from practicing proactive gratitude. And…it can kill our dreams.

It might be helpful to take a little internal inventory to see if indeed there is anyone from your past…or present for that matter…with whom you may be holding a grudge.  Even if you think you’ve forgiven everyone, there can sometimes be layers of forgiveness work.  I recently attended a workshop where we were taken through a forgiveness exercise. I thought I’d forgiven everyone. I didn’t think I had any reason to forgive my parents.  I knew they did the best they could with the consciousness they had at the time.  But wouldn’t you know, as I was led into the exercise I uncovered a deeper layer of painful experience that needed to be forgiven.  Once I did, I felt so free, so unencumbered…completely released from the burden. What a gift.

How do you forgive someone who has done the “unforgivable?”  It’s not easy, but it is possible.  Fortunately there are many books and workshops available that can inspire you and guide you through the forgiveness process.  A few of my favorites are… Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All by Gerald Jampolsky & Neal Donald Walsch:  http://amzn.to/ix5uiS , Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert D. Enright: http://amzn.to/jzmMzn and, How to Forgive When You Can’t by Jim Dincalci:  http://amzn.to/jKmwe0.
In addition, I devote an entire chapter on how to forgive in my book, Manifesting Your Desires, which has a companion audiobook where I guide you through the process. (Click here for more info on that: www.manifestyourgood.com )

Once unforgiveness has been cleared from your “channels” you will be amazed at how effective your gratitude practice will be.  You will be, in effect, open and available to receive the good that has been blocked…the good that is waiting for you.

Forgive Yourself and Try Again

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Saturday was one of those days.  It started off nicely with a run in the woods with my dog, and I was even enjoying the long drive with my daughter to her Saturday morning class. But as the day wore on running one errand after another with now, two cranky pre-adolesents in tow, my sunny disposition began to fade. It reached a crescendo of negativity in the carpet store when both my daughters screamed at my husband and I for our carpet choice.  “Seriously Mom, flax?  You’re going to put flax carpet in our house!  It’s worse that ugly! You’re not touching my room! I’m keeping my carpet.”  etc., etc.  I’ll spare you the rest, but let’s just say the language got more colorful and spilled over to our other decorating choices…delivered at an ear-piercing decibel in the car.  I wanted to open to the car door, kick them out and leave them standing by the side of the road.

I didn’t though.  Like every other time, I breathed through it, and eventually they both calmed down and apologized to me.  However it’s moments like those where my ability to practice proactive gratitude aludes me.  How can I think of something to be grateful for at that moment? I can’t. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect.  I can, however, chose to forgive myself, see what lesson I can take from the experience, and try again.

It has been becoming clear to me recently that one daughter, in particular, reflects my shadow.  She acts out…in dramatic fashion…those places in me I refuse to accept about myself.  My healing then, comes when I can recognize those places, embrace them in me and forgive myself.  In this instance, her outburst reminded me that I have been pretty judgmental of the way in which my place of worship is decorated…really hating the color it’s painted, etc.  I don’t scream it of course. But the judgement is in me just the same.  I had the opportunity to recognize that on Saturday (after I had calmed down) embrace my judgemental thoughts, forgive myself, and then choose to be more accepting and gentler in my views.

That’s where the gratitude comes in.  I couldn’t get to this realization until I had wrapped my mind around something I was grateful for.  That day, I was soooooooo grateful that we had a babysitter coming that night and my husband and I could go out and enjoy ourselves.  I think I had never been so grateful for a babysitter!  After that huge gratitude others came easily. That’s when I was able to have the realization about the shadow.  One gratitude followed another and the rest of the weekend was wonderful.

The lesson again?  To Forgive Ourselves.  It’s okay to get caught up in a negative moment. We’re all human.  It’s just not okay to stay there. When we can, let’s bring our mind back to something for which to be grateful…anything…but make it big…really feel the gratitude. Then we can look at what lesson there may be for us in the situation…embrace it and move forward in gratitude.

Many blessings.

Gratitude Experiment: Day 51

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I remember hearing a few years ago a sermon that Rev. Michael Beckwith gave at Agape where he said, “You are to be grateful for everything in your life…not just the good stuff…but EVERYTHING.”   When I first heard that I thought, he must be speaking metaphorically or something. Because, how could we be grateful for illness, relationship trouble, failure, lack, etc.?   No, he really meant everything. 

Well, we know that sometimes the most amazing blessings come to us out of the most challenging experiences.  At the very least, we’ve learned a lesson. We’ll never make that mistake again, right?  We can also learn more about forgiveness.  We can learn to forgive ourselves, our family and our friends.  What a blessing that is. Forgiveness frees us.

But there is a deeper level on which we can take this message.  Beckwith went on to say that, “when we are grateful for everything, we are literally lifting our vibration…lifting it out of the realm of dense, physical form…out of the realm of ‘effect’ and into the the vibration of ’cause’.”  

Okay, if we accept that everything is energy, and all things vibrate at a certain vibration…and that like vibration attracts that which is like itself, then this begins to make sense.  In other words, if I am focusing on how bad my current experience is, this causes me to feel pretty bad about myself, other people, and life in general.  I am now vibrating at a level that will…if I don’t change it…attract more challenging experiences to me.

But, how do I change it?   I can begin to change my vibration by shifting my perception.   I can shift my perception to a place where I understand that these challenging circumstances and experiences are, in fact, “effects” in my life.  It’s not who I am. Who I am is far greater than the experiences and circumstances of my life.  I am an expression of Life itself.  When I focus on this…I can be thankful for my life. When I am thankful for my life, I begin to feel better about myself and about life in general. 

When I feel better about these my life, my mind becomes clearer. I can begin to see solutions to certain challenges. I begin to get ideas about how I can change things.  I can also feel more compassion for myself and others.  I can love myself more.  All of this lifts my vibration into the realm of “cause” from which my experience flows.  And the experiences that flow from this vibration are blessed indeed.

What do you think?  Do you think it’s possible to be grateful for everything?  Can you honestly be grateful for everything? Share your thoughts by commenting here.

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Today I am grateful for the experiences in my life that have led me to this point…I am open and available to Spirit to move through me.

Why Isn't the Law of Attraction Working for Me? Part 2

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Here is part 2 in our discussion about why some may not be having as much success using the principles of manifestation. If you missed Part 1, scroll down to the next entry. Then come back here for my 3-step plan for applying the Law of Attraction effectively in every area of your life.

Discovering and transforming limiting core beliefs is absolutely essential if you want to manifest a more expansive and abundant life. The good news is that you can do it. This is totally in your power. The reality is that it takes some work. However, I’ve come up with a 3-step plan that will make that “work” a little easier…and very effective.

1. Inner Wisdom Journaling. One of the best ways that I have found for uncovering deeply held beliefs is to practice “inner wisdom guided” journaling. Give yourself a good 30 to 60 minutes and a quiet place where you will not be disturbed during this process.

Before you begin, close your eyes and take several deep, cleansing and relaxing breaths. Then, ask your inner wisdom to guide you to the deep recesses of your mind…the nooks and crannies of memories, past hurts and childhood “lessons.” Visualize your inner wisdom shining a brilliant flash light into these areas. Take your time with this part of the process.

Then, when you feel ready, open your eyes and pick up your pencil. Allow your hand to be guided as it writes…without editing…onto the page. Keep writing. The more you write, the clearer things becomes. Neatness counts against you here. Be messy. Fill up several pages. Fill up an entire journal if you need to. No one will read it but you. If you’re messy enough, no one will understand it but you!

2. Practice Forgiveness. One of the blocks I see preventing people from attracting what they truly desire to experience in their lives is the energy of resentment and regret. Whether it’s resentment against some person or situation, or regret over your own past mistakes, it’s an energy that will block your good from getting to you. Even though these mistakes and hurts happened in the past, they are still very much alive in the present…even if you are not consciously aware of them. And it is this energy that will choke off the growth of any new good.

Forgiveness frees you to realize your potential. When you truly forgive someone, or some situation, or yourself, you will uproot these weeds, allowing your mental garden the space it needs to blossom.

Forgiveness begins with a willingness to let go and move on. Forgiveness does not mean condoning someone’s bad behavior or inviting them over for dinner. It means you are willing to separate what someone did from who they are in truth…a human being trying to make his or her way through life and naturally making mistakes. The same goes for you. In truth, we human beings can only do the best we can with the consciousness that we have at the time. If you’ve made mistakes in your past, you can begin today to be willing to see that you did the best you possibly could given your understanding at the time.

Spend as much time as necessary in prayer, meditation, journaling, or silently blessing yourself, the situation and the other person. See yourself cutting the cord that has bound you to this person in a web of negative energy. You’ll be amazed at how light and free you feel.

3. Meditation. Learn to meditate and practice it regularly. It is in meditation that the ego’s voice will be seen for what it is…an obstacle obscuring the light of your true self.

With a regular meditation practice you will connect with your inner magnificence and begin to understand the truth that you are loved and that you deserve a love-filled, joy-filled and abundant life. You will begin to feel, on a very deep level, that a magnificent, abundant life has already been given to you. You already have the fulfillment of your heart’s desires, and you simply need to own this truth and allow it manifest in your experience. This you will begin to feel in meditation. And, after a while, that deep understanding gleaned in the 20 to 30 minutes of daily meditation will begin to seep into your subconscious, transmuting any limiting beliefs that have been hanging out there.

There are as many teachers and types of meditation as there are varieties of chocolate. I offer one in my Manifesting Your Desires Program. Find one that suits you and just do it!

Don’t allow these limiting core beliefs, regrets and resentments to rob you of the magnificent life you were meant to life. Do not delay your good one more moment. Practice these three keys and watch as the floodgates open and an abundance of love, joy, prosperity and success pours into your life. Then, you’ll be the one on Oprah sharing with the world how you’ve applied the Law of Attraction and are now experiencing the manifestation of limitless good in your life.

Many blessings.