The following is a talk I gave at Unity Center of Peace on November 14, 2010.  For those who couldn’t make it, I’m posting it here:

One very cold day last November when I went for a run in the woods with my dog.  I was deep in thought about my life.  I couldn’t understand why, with all the meditation and imaging and affirmations and prayers that there were things that were not going well…at all.  I was having tremendous challenges with one of my children.  I wondered why my business was failing.  You probably know how this goes…one negative “woe-is-me” thought follows another.  I quickly became consumed by the idea that all life is unfair and my life stunk.  I was just considering turning back, when my dog stopped and sniffed at something for what seemed like an eternity.  Irritated at the idea of being forced to stop, I grumbled something, and then suddenly…I looked up and noticed it. 

The sun had broken through the clouds and appeared to be shining directly on one tree in a grassy patch.  This tree still had its leaves which had turned golden, and in the direct sunlight it positively glowed.  I stood there in amazement.  “What beauty!  What a gift this is!”  How could I dwell on all that appeared wrong in life when this miracle stood before me?  As I began to open to gratitude for this, a wave of love and gratitude flooded me and I felt like I was floating.  I felt so one with tree and with the forest.

I started to give thanks to the universe for the beauty of this site, and then gave thanks to my dog for stopping me so that I wouldn’t miss it.  I was grateful for the whole forest and for the opportunity to run in it that morning with my dog. Well, as it happens with gratitude, one gratitude led to another and then to another, and another.  This attitude of sudden gratitude started slipping into my

thoughts about my life and, before long, I began to realize my life was pretty darned blessed.  My thoughts turned to all the prosperity, love and well-being in my life.  A blast of energy rushed through my body and I was suddenly leaping over stones and roots. 

When I got back home I felt changed…perhaps forever.  Now mystical experiences are, by their very nature…fleeting.  It takes a commitment to practice in order to incorporate what we’ve experienced so that we may be transformed…in order for it to be the transformative event it was meant to be.

Thats when I decided to create this blog.  It kept me accountable to my gratitude practice and supporting others in their practice.

And we need the support because the temptation to complain…the temptation to look at what’s missing from our lives, what’s not going well, what’s wrong with our lives is so great.  We seem to be wired for it.  And then that gets reinforced by our friends, our community, and our media….advertisers…that’s how they sell products!  They make you feel like you’re a loser, and everything in your life is wrong…unless you have their products. 

Complaining can feel pretty good to do in the moment. Particularly when we feel justified. Ohhh, it feels so good to be right…to be justified in our complaint…we can find friends who will agree with us and complain right along with us, can’t we?

And, we have our little “pet peeves” you know.  Many of us actually “love to hate something.”  We get some sort of satisfaction and thrill out of our pet peeves that becomes almost an addictive “high” when we engage in them.   “You see, I told you she would do that…ohhhh, that really gets my goat.  I hate that when she does that.” Or, “This happens to me every time. I always get in the longest damn line, or behind the slowest driver.” Etc., etc.

Oh, but this complaining…this pet peeve stuff, comes at such a high price.

First, there’s the physical. A fair amount of scientific research has been done…most notably by a psychologist and professor at the UC, Davis, Dr. Robert Emmons, who has conducted studies with…a control group, a complaining group and a intentional gratitude group…that have shown that complainers, don’t sleep as well, are less engaged in life, and suffer more depression than either the control or the gratitude group.

His study indicates that “participants in the ‘gratitude group’ felt more joyful, enthusiastic, interested, attentive, energetic, excited, determined and strong” and were more likely to “offer others more emotional support or help” than the control group.   The gratitude participants reported sleeping better, had increased positive feelings and life satisfaction, and were 25% happier overall than before they began the experiment.   He believes that the practice of intentional gratitude may even prevent depression.  Other longitudinal studies have been done that show that complainers have more heart attacks and don’t live as long as those who are grateful.

Michael Beckwith tells us:  “the Universe doesn’t know the difference between what you love and what you hate, it only knows what you’re interested in.”  The Universe only knows what’s got your attention and what you’re emotionally caught up in.  The Universe “reads” the tone of your vibration and reflects back into your world more of the same.  This is why it may seem as if you are revisiting the same painful experience over and over.

When we really look at: current circumstances are temporary. The question is…will we continue to experience these same circumstances over and over?  We certainly will if we only look at how “awful” the situation is and bemoan it.  If we never look for the blessing within the challenge, or see it from a higher perspective.  We are doomed to repeat it.

It’s when we have the courage to open our heart and our minds and trust that something wonderful is on it’s way…that this situation could be just the thing that will propel our growth into a new plateau of joy and success.

 We know that sometimes the most amazing blessings come to us out of the most challenging experiences.  We’ve all heard stories of people who’ve worked at a company for years and relied on the steady paycheck, then suddenly the rug is pulled from underneath them and they’re layed off.  Those who focus on how horrible it is, and spend their energy blaming others are doomed to repeat it, or experience anger and frustration their whole life.  Then there are those with whom…this same event occurs…and they’ve chosen to see it as a blessing. They’re grateful for it happening because they can now pursue something they’ve always wanted to do.

The same goes for relationships that end.  It feels so painful and it’s so easy to blame the other, but those who do are doomed to repeat painful relationship after painful relationship. Those who are can find a blessing it in will usually find someone much better suited to them.   Or, they simply and truly love the solitude.

The experience can also teach us about forgiveness.  We can learn to forgive ourselves, our family and our friends.  What a blessing that is. Forgiveness frees us.

But this takes work.  It takes practice. Practice makes perfect.  A joyful process! Some days are more difficult than others to find things to be grateful for.  But, that’s where the real work comes in.  That’s when we need to “refresh the screen” of our minds and take a look at where our thinking has been leading us…where our focus has been.

When we do become aware that we’ve been focusing on what’ wrong with life, we can change it.

The good news is that we have a choice about how we perceive something.   We can choose to see any experience as a curse or a blessing. Think about an experience right now that you may consider a challenge…a big challenge.  Got it? 

Now right here in this moment, we can…

1) stop, take a few deep breaths and be willing to shift into another perspective.  It all starts with a willingness.

2) You can now open yourself up to the possibility that there may be something greater behind the current circumstance.  There may, in fact, be a blessing in it. 

3) Begin to claim that this blessing is making itself known to you.  And now,

4) Consciously, proactively find things around this issue that are in fact, a blessing.  Once you’ve noticed just one thing, you will soon notice another. You will begin to notice more and more things to be grateful for.  And before you know it, your whole consciousness is full gratitudes, you feel great, and your vibration is lifted.  And it is then that you begin to attract more experiences of joy, love, prosperity and well-being.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, who wrote the wildly successful, Simple Abundance said, “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend…when we choose NOT to focus on what is missing–but are grateful for the abundance that is present—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on Earth.”

Consciously, actively tending the abundance garden is about practicing proactive gratitude. What is Proactive Gratitude?

So the three steps of proactive gratitude are…

1)    Actively search for things to be grateful for from the time you wake up. (check out Gratitude Mondays on this blog and on Facebook on Monday mornings.)

2)    Celebrate those things. Dance, sing, shout.  Allow yourself to enjoy it!

3)    Document it. It builds the evidence that we are cared for, that we are blessed, that we are loved.  The mind is always looking for evidence. Give it what it wants. By writing down what we are grateful for everyday, we build evidence that the Divine is present in our environment and that the universe is conspiring to support you. 

One of greatest benefits of practicing proactive gratitude is that you begin to realize that you live in a friendly universe that has created a magnificent world for you to enjoy.  You start to feel…deep down in your bones…that there is a force (whether you call it Creative Intelligence, the Infinite, God, or whatever) that loves you so much that It has given you…and continues to give you…more good than you can possibly imagine. Take it personally!  (My sunset experience)

After a while, the practice of proactive gratitude rewires the circuitry in your brain.

This is the place we want to get to in our practice of proactive gratitude.  We want to “know it in our bones.”   The Universe responds to our self-contemplation and intention.  When you feel that your life is blessed, and you are loved, then naturally you begin to feel worthy.  “Wow, I must be a pretty special person, I must be so beloved to have all these wonderful blessings given to me every day.  Hey, I must actually be worth it!” This is how we “sneak up on our worthiness.” 

This is a much more effective way to begin to accept our true worth then repeating positive affirmations to yourself all day…much more.  Positive affirmations are great, don’t get me wrong.  They have a place in our spiritual practice. But practicing proactive gratitude actually shifts the energy around our beliefs in our worthiness.

Rev. Michael Beckwith tell us : “You are to be grateful for everything in your life…not just the good stuff…but EVERYTHING.”   When I first heard that I thought, he must be speaking metaphorically or something   No, he actually meant everything. 

It’s easy to be grateful for the beautiful fall colors or a good meal or our spouse when there are loving or our health when we’ve got it, but not easy when things are not going our way!

But there is a deeper level on which we can take this message.  Beckwith went on to say that, “when we are grateful for everything, we are literally lifting our vibration…lifting it out of the realm of dense, physical form…out of the realm of ‘effect’ and into the vibration of ’cause’.”  

Okay, if we accept that everything is energy, and all things vibrate at a certain vibration…and that like vibration attracts that which is like itself…then this begins to make sense. 

Our experiences are, in fact, the ”effects” in our life.  It’s not who we are. Who we are is far greater than the experiences and circumstances of our life.  You are an expression of Life itself..of the Divine.  When you focus on this…you can be thankful for your life. When you are thankful for your life, you begin to feel better about yourself and about life in general. 

When you feel better about your life, your mind becomes clearer. You can begin to see solutions to certain challenges. You begin to get ideas about how you can change things. You  can also feel more compassion for myself and others.  You can love yourself more.  All of this lifts your vibration into the realm of “cause” from which all experience flows.  And the experiences that flow from this vibration are blessed indeed!

David Owen Ritz who created the Keys to the Kingdom class says, “When you feel a deep sense of gratitude, you are not just saying “thank you” to life for blessings you. You are actually focusing your creative energy and bringing it to bear on your life.”

In the book, The Science of Getting Rich, author Wallace Wattles devotes an entire chapter on gratitude because it’s essential in increasing prosperity.  He says, “Our gratitude liberates an energy within us that immediately expands into the formless substance, where it is instantly returned to us in kind.”

What does this mean to us? It means that we can be grateful in advance!  And the gratitude touches formless substance and creates future experiences.

Deepak Chopra is always talking about “the field of infinite possibilities.”   In Quantum Physics they tell us that the appearance of a subatomic particle depends upon your viewpoint…it’s a wave or it’s a particle…depends on the scientist viewpoint…the observers viewpoint.  The subatomic particles become whatever we expect them to be…

Am I a victim of circumstance or am I blessed beyond measure?  The little particles are forming themselves around your viewpoint.  If you start with the assumption that you are blessed, that an abundance of good is there for you now and will always be there for you…and your future is bright and limitless, you are choosing how those little particles going to form.  If you trust that you are Divinely guided to do whatever you need to do in the process, then that’s how the particles are forming.

If we can get to a place where we can be grateful that your vision is already complete in the mind of God…that, it is, in fact, already done…then the actual manifestation is just the details.

Ernest Holmes, a pioneer in the field of Law of Attraction, wrote in his masterwork, The Science of Mind, “Faith looks to the invisible, and instead of seeing a void, fastens it’s gaze on a solid reality.”