Tag Archives: complaining

Rule of Thumb for Complaining

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There’s a woman who comes to clean where I work and she’s one of these people who is really good at what she does, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint. She greets you In the morning with a complaint, and proceeds to find something wrong with everything she encounters…and delights in letting you know about it.  All of us know somebody like this.  They’re very difficult to be around for very long.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with bringing to the attention of whoever’s in charge something that needs fixing.  Not at all.  But the act of constantly complaining can leave one feeling tired, unhappy and victimized.  It tends to suck the life energy out of you and everyone around you.  It’s also sad to think of all the blessings of life one misses when one takes life too seriously and can focus only on what’s wrong.

Am I guilty of complaining at times?  Sure.  And when I catch myself doing it (or, more likely, my husband points it out) I attempt to remedy my attitude by following this general rule of thumb…

  1. 1.  For every critical, negative thing I say, I must find 4 things to be grateful for and comment on those.  This effectively shifts my energy to a healthier, more life-affirming one.

 2.  Take action.  If something is wrong and needs attention or fixing, simply complaining about it isn’t going to fix it.  That just makes me feel like a victim.  So, I ask myself, “What action steps can I take to remedy this situation, or that will in some small way contribute to the betterment of something?”  If it’s one of those things that you just can’t change , then…

 3.  Breathe and accept. Some things – however much we can’t stand them – just cannot be changed (politics and natural disasters comes to mind).  I need to learn to accept that this is part of life on this planet and breathe through it.

When I can catch myself complaining and follow the guideline above, my energy stays high, and I joyously remember what a blessed life I have.  It is my belief that the  more positive our energy is, the more blessings we attract into our lives.  In fact, this has been the case for me. 

Next time you catch yourself complaining, try these steps and see how it makes you feel.  Then, let me know by adding your comments below.

Breaking the Complaining Habit

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Complaining. It can feel pretty good to do in the moment. Ohhh, it feels so good to be right, even if it’s about something that’s wrong.  Unfortunately, it comes at a high price. It can cost you your peace of mind, your health, your friendships and your ability to create something better in your life. How can you see what’s possible if you’re always focusing on what’s in the way of your being happy? In addition, complaining…that’s the act of bitching and moaning about a condition or situation without doing anything to change it…puts you in the position of being a victim.  All of this is a pretty high price to pay for momentary satisfaction!

So, have you taken any steps to eliminate complaining from your life?  Have you tried wearing that purple, rubber bracelet from A Complaint Free World?  You know the one…every time you catch yourself complaining you’re supposed to switch it to the other wrist? That can be helpful for some. For others, it can be a good way to beat yourself up too. Maybe you’ve tried setting a personal intention and found a way to keep yourself accountable. Perhaps you’ve read book on it.  I’ve even seen a support group on Facebook to help eliminate complaining. As you can see, there are several ways to help break the negative spiral of complaining…some more effective than others.  I’d love to know what you’ve tried and what’s worked for you.

Perhaps the easiest way I know to break the complaining habit is through the process of proactive gratitude. Just the process of actively searching for things to be grateful for on a daily basis alone, shifts your perspective from one of seeing what’s wrong in the world to seeing what’s right in the world. So complaints no longer rush automatically to your mind and out of your mouth.  After practicing proactive gratitude for a time you’ll notice you are simply complaining much less (if you don’t your family or significant other will notice it.)

However, there will still be times something just gets your gall and it’s difficult to resist the urge.  Now, just to clarify, I’m not talking about those instances where there is something you can, in fact, change and you feel moved to speak your mind. That’s different.  I’m talking about those things you have no intention of trying to change; you just feel the need to complain about it.  So, here are 3 simple steps you can take to not only turn that complaint into gratitude, but completely shift your energy…

1.     Consider the condition, person or situation and just bite your lip for a moment (metaphorically, of course.)

2.    Take several deep breaths.

3.   Broaden your perspective for a moment and see if you can find something in the bigger picture that you can be grateful for…or an opportunity that wasn’t there before.

For example, I’m stuck in bad traffic…it’s not moving…and I’m late to an appointment. I might be tempted to curse and complain…loudly!  Okay, before I speak, I take a moment and breathe deeply a few times. Now I look at what opportunities might be inherent in this situation.  I have an opportunity of finishing that CD or radio program I’ve been listening too.  I have the opportunity of blessing everyone on the road…sending them loving thoughts.  I’m so grateful I have a cell phone and can call my appointment to let them know I’ll be late (I didn’t have that 10 years ago!) I can focus on the trees and bushes along the highway and really enjoy them. I’m so grateful for such beauty everywhere.

You see how you can come out of that situation a joyful, loving, positive person totally energized for your appointment?  Yeah.  This is the Gratitude Experiment. As always, let me know how this goes for you.