Author Archives: Victoria @ Gratitude Experiment

Ode to Mothers

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Mother’s Day is finally here and it seems like it’s been way too long of a time since we moms have been recognized and celebrated.  In fact, one day a year is just too skimpy of a time segment for our children, our spouses and other caring relatives to recognize the immense sacrifices we moms make on a daily basis to ensure that our children are fed, burped, clean, rested, dressed, brushed, safe, secure, educated, enriched, honest, well-mannered, fair-players, good-sharers, good turn-takers and first-time-listeners (have I forgotten anything?).  The older my children get, the clearer this becomes.  In fact, I propose a whole month for proper recognition.  I think the entire month of May ought to be devoted to honoring moms!  Are you with me on this? 

With that said, I remember my first Mother’s Day with great fondness.  My twins were only a few weeks old, and it didn’t quite feel real yet. Maybe it was the exercise in sleep-deprivation, but I keep thinking everyone, including my husband was referring to my mom when they said “Happy Mother’s Day.”  It took me awhile to “own” Mother’s Day for myself.  Anyway, a best friend of mine came over and said, “You and Dana go out and have nice long brunch.  I’ll watch the babies for you.”  I could have kissed the ground she walked on.  We did have a nice brunch together and I got to look in my husband’s eyes for the first time in weeks.  Then my breasts began to ache and milk started leaking out (what a moment breaker!) and it was time to go home.

Many of you are experiencing your first Mother’s Day this year. Now, don’t look around for your mom when I say, “Happy Mother’s Day/Month dear deserving goddess woman!” For that’s what you are…a goddess woman.  Who else but a goddess could have done the superhuman feat of carrying a baby (or babies) for nine whole months…super alert to taking care of herself all the while…refusing margaritas, sushi, diet sodas and lattes?!  And then of course, there’s the ordeal of childbirth itself.   Yes, only a goddess would allow her body…and indeed her life…to be used by the Divine Life Force to create another blessed being on Earth, and entrust that little being to her sure and tender care.  Yes, only a goddess woman could do what you do on a daily basis…day in and day out.

I wish for you a good friend or relative to watch your baby (or babies) while you go off to be treated to brunch, flowers, massages, love from hubby, and a proper recognition of the goddess you are.  And if your children are older, my wish for you is another hand-made treasure, kid-prepared breakfast in bed, and good table manners.

Many Blessings Goddess Mamas! We are grateful for you!  Happy Mother’s Day!

“Good” Friday

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Today is Good Friday, and my daughter asked me, “Mom, why do they call it Good if it’s the day Jesus was hung on the cross and died?”  I seem to remember asking that same question of my mom when I was a child.  Perhaps you’ve asked it yourself.  I remember my mom saying something like, “Well because it recognizes the cycle where the miracle of resurrection transpired at the end.”  Okay. I kind of understood that.

However, after practicing proactive gratitude for a while, I get this idea on a whole new level.   First of all, the resurrection could not have happened without the crucifixion.  Secondly, as with all biblical stories, the message is only transformational when you can relate it to you own life.

So, for me that means…the challenges and difficulties in our lives have the potential to bring forth a miracle for us.  In fact, the miracle is inherent in the challenge. And…here’s the key…in order to experience the miracle, we need to name the challenge “Good.”

Think about a challenge you are currently facing in your life.  Is it possible…even remotely…that some good could come of it?  You might not be able to see what that is now, and that’s okay.  From what I understand, Jesus’ followers didn’t see the resurrection coming.  But it came.  You may recall other challenges in your life that you can be grateful for in hindsight because it led you to some good you have now…a blessing that you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t walked through the challenge.

This “miracle after darkness” is not the exclusive territory of Christians.  All faiths have a similar story. We just celebrated Passover and the miracle of freedom and finding the land of milk and honey after years and years of enslavement.  Buddha almost starved to death trying to live as an acetic before he was brought back to heath and was then able to share his wisdom.   Mohammad was outnumbered and defeated before he claimed victory and was able to share his message channeled into the Quran.

The point is, whatever challenge you are facing, look at it squarely in the eyes and name it Good!  Allow yourself to trust that there is a miracle unfolding in your life and that this challenge will somehow deliver it to you.  You don’t need to know how.  That isn’t your job.  Your job is to trust and stay alert.  Be on the lookout for it – a miracle can take many forms.  Name it good, and then be open.

Happy Easter.

Gratitude and Receiving

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Another important benefit of practicing gratitude is that it helps us truly receive.   Now, before you say, “But isn’t it more important to give than receive?” Or,” I don’t have any trouble receiving,” I’ll ask you to take another look at that.

Our whole world depends upon a balance of giving and taking.  We give nourishment to our garden and in time we receive vegetables and flowers. We give of our time and talents to work and it gives back to us in salary and a sense of fulfillment.  We give to our friends and family and they give back to us.   Even the act of breathing is a give and take.  We’ll soon expire if we don’t take in a breath, and the same is true if we don’t let it out.  

However, when things get out of balance and we find ourselves giving more than we’re receiving we can feel depleted, exhausted and maybe even resentful.  If the lack of balance continues it can affect our health, our finances, our relationships and our general happiness.

When we can take a moment to notice and be grateful for the beauty of the world around us and simply take it in, we are receiving.  When we can allow the sun’s warmth to touch our skin and be grateful, we are receiving.  When we can accept a compliment gracefully, we are receiving. When we can accept a friend’s offer to help us with something and be grateful for them, we are receiving.  When we can allow ourselves to taste our food and be grateful that it satisfies our hunger and nourishes our body, we are receiving.   When we gratefully accept a hug from our child, friend or lover, we are receiving.

Practice receiving this week.  Notice how many different ways the world gives to you and then, allow yourself to enjoy it.  Take it in. Be grateful for all ways the world supports you and gives to you.

The Broken Tree of Love

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Next to a driveway I take frequently to access  a hiking trail head, there’s a kind of a bush or tree that I assumed was dead because it had fallen down and it’s limbs were scattered in a seemingly chaotic pattern.  It looked awful.  Being winter, of course, there are no leaves on any trees, but I assumed this was just dead, and wondered why the city didn’t do anything about clearing this eyesore.  I found myself becoming irritated and complaining in my head about it every time I saw it.

Well, I’ll bet you can guess what happened.  Spring came and out pops the most beautiful lavender blossoms I’ve ever seen all over these “dead” branches.  Every day this broken tree gets more beautiful and I feel a bit guilty having judged, and even been irritated by, something whose beauty was merely hidden from view.  Since then, every time I pass this tree I praise it and am grateful for not only its beauty but also the lesson it holds for me. 

Now, yesterday I pull into this driveway, regard these magnificent branches and what do I see?  Little leaves are springing out that are in the shape of hearts.  Heart-shaped leaves. Well, that just did it for me.  How could I miss the metaphor now?

I was compelled to ask myself if there were anything within me or in my life that I have been irritated by, or have been judging as ugly, broken and wanting to get rid of.  After some deep reflection, I’d have to say yes, there is.  So, what if I held this “thing” as a “tree” whose beauty is simply hiding?  What if I endeavor to find a blessing within this condition?   What would happen if I picture little hearts all over it?  What would happen if I expressed genuine gratitude for this?

My guess is that this “ugly, broken” thing will blossom into a beautiful healing for me and, when it does, I will have expanded my life and be able to express more of my potential.  Of course this takes some effort on my part. It’s not as simple as just affirming a blessing for this condition a few times.  Not after years of condemning it.  It will take daily diligent effort.  But now that the lesson is so clear and my intention is set, nothing can hold me back.

How about you? Is there an area of your life that you feel is broken or that makes you irritated and you wish it would just go away?  Is there something inside yourself you’ve been judging as unacceptable?  Try to see it as branch in winter ready to spring forth beautiful blossoms at the mere thought of you changing your mind about it and loving it.  Express your gratitude for it daily and know that when you do you are, in effect, calling forth the blessings.  If you are a visual person, you could visualize little heart-shaped leaves all over it.  What I know for sure is that everything is in our lives for a reason and, seeing it from the eyes of gratitude transforms a “curse” a magical blessing that will help us express more of our divine potential.

Rule of Thumb for Complaining

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There’s a woman who comes to clean where I work and she’s one of these people who is really good at what she does, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint. She greets you In the morning with a complaint, and proceeds to find something wrong with everything she encounters…and delights in letting you know about it.  All of us know somebody like this.  They’re very difficult to be around for very long.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with bringing to the attention of whoever’s in charge something that needs fixing.  Not at all.  But the act of constantly complaining can leave one feeling tired, unhappy and victimized.  It tends to suck the life energy out of you and everyone around you.  It’s also sad to think of all the blessings of life one misses when one takes life too seriously and can focus only on what’s wrong.

Am I guilty of complaining at times?  Sure.  And when I catch myself doing it (or, more likely, my husband points it out) I attempt to remedy my attitude by following this general rule of thumb…

  1. 1.  For every critical, negative thing I say, I must find 4 things to be grateful for and comment on those.  This effectively shifts my energy to a healthier, more life-affirming one.

 2.  Take action.  If something is wrong and needs attention or fixing, simply complaining about it isn’t going to fix it.  That just makes me feel like a victim.  So, I ask myself, “What action steps can I take to remedy this situation, or that will in some small way contribute to the betterment of something?”  If it’s one of those things that you just can’t change , then…

 3.  Breathe and accept. Some things – however much we can’t stand them – just cannot be changed (politics and natural disasters comes to mind).  I need to learn to accept that this is part of life on this planet and breathe through it.

When I can catch myself complaining and follow the guideline above, my energy stays high, and I joyously remember what a blessed life I have.  It is my belief that the  more positive our energy is, the more blessings we attract into our lives.  In fact, this has been the case for me. 

Next time you catch yourself complaining, try these steps and see how it makes you feel.  Then, let me know by adding your comments below.

An Interview with Author & Entrepreneur Caryn FitzGerald

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The following is an interview with the author of the soon-to-be-released ebook, “Living the Life of My Dreams: Essays & Interviews with 30 Ordinary People Living EXTRAordinary Lives” (Click link below for more info on her book)  Caryn is a big advocate of practicing gratitude. She shares how she transformed her life and gives tips on how you can too.
 
What was your life like before you discovered the secrets for how to live the life of your dreams?

 

Boring, void of direction and lacking the love and compassion I desired.  I went through the motions of each day, went to school and work, paid the bills, watched television and went out occasionally with friends.  My life was full of sadness and anger.  I turned this all inward in an attempt to gain some semblance of control.  I struggled for over a decade with anorexia and bulimia while subjecting myself to physically and emotionally abusive relationships.   I didn’t believe I deserved better and I certainly didn’t believe I could create a different life.

Was there a single event that caused you to leave the life you knew behind and that propelled you into going for your heart’s desires? 

 There are two events in my life that I can point to as being pivotal in propelling me to move in a different direction. The first was the night my then boyfriend of several years told me he was marrying someone else.  That caused me to take a long hard look at the people I was surrounding myself with and decide that I deserved only the best in my life.  At that point, I began to focus on a kind, loving and honest man coming into my life.  What I had not realized was that he was there all along I had just overlooked him, as I was not focused on receiving the good he wanted to share.  In changing my focus, I changed the people in my life and this connected me with my husband, shifting me out of abusive relationships. 

The second event occurred while I was seeking a way to release my dependency upon bulimia.  I became pregnant and in an instant, I realized this was bigger than I was and the Universe was giving me an incredible wake-up call.  I was now responsible for someone other than myself in a way in which I had never experienced before.   My unborn child was 100% dependent upon me.  This shifted my viewpoint from one of selfishness and control to selflessness and loving myself and another human being in a manner in which I had never loved before.  With this shift, I was able to release the illness and move forward into a healthier way of living.  

What is your life like now? 

 I am at peace.  I know who I am and I am comfortable with myself.  I embrace love.  I give and receive compassion, caring, respect and beauty.  Only the important things matter to me.  I get up each morning grateful for another day and ready to contribute to the best of my ability.   I feel it is up to me to make a difference in the world and to encourage others to do the same by following my lead as I follow the lead of those making a difference in front of me.  My time is invested in positive activities: reading, writing, eating healthy, socializing with like-minded individuals, and community.  I release the people and things that attempt to bring drama or negativity into my life.  My boundaries are clear and in setting them, I have found that the people and things I desire to be part of my world, come flooding into my life.   I admit, there are days when challenges arise and my life is far from perfect, but I see these days as reminders that I have a choice to make.  I can either feed into things or redirect my thoughts and actions back onto the path I desire.

How do you balance your work life and home life? 

 It can be challenging to create a balance between the two.  I’m a very visual person and I have found that if I map things out on a calendar, poster board or a dry-erase board, it makes it easier for me to accomplish my goals while still having plenty of time for my family and friends.  I tend to take things in pieces with small chunks making up the whole.  For me, it’s a lot easier to spend 2 hours a day for 4 weeks on a project, than to spend 8 or 10 hours a day on it for a week.  I allow myself reasonable amounts of time and choose not to put myself in a position where the deadline is unreasonable or will cause me to feel stressed or tired.   My husband (a network marketer) works from home and his office is across the hall from mine.  We respect each others appointments and timelines while still setting aside time to be together each day.   I set my schedule so that my work is done by the time my daughter arrives home from school, allowing her and I to have our quality time together without being interrupted by my work commitments.  On days she chooses to play with friends or has an afterschool activity, I use the time to work on pending projects.  This way she feels as if she lead the charge and it was not mommy choosing work instead of being with her.

What would say to someone who has a dream but can’t find time to work on it because he or she is swamped with a job, taking care of an ailing parent, and/or raising children? 

 “Your life is not yet as uncomfortable as it needs to be to drive you to make a change.”  Simple as that.  There is no such thing as a person who does not have the ability to make the time to work on their dream.   If something is really truly important to you, you will find the time to devote to it.  I’ve been there.  I know what it is like to wish there were more hours in the day, to convince yourself that if there were, THEN you’d get the things you were trying to get done, done.  It doesn’t work that way.  Each day has 24 hours and if used properly (based on whatever your schedule is), you can achieve your dream.  The key is that the dream MUST be something that radiates from your heart and soul and that you are willing to give up other things for.   I wrote an article on creating time.  One of the tips I share is to spend a few days mapping out where you are devoting your time and efforts.  Write down everything you do for a 48-72 hour period and it will become apparent to you where you can redirect your energies and create time to focus upon your dream.    Ideas include: cutting back (or out) watching television, getting up 30 minutes earlier or going to be 30 minutes later and spending that time on your dream.  If you work a job with a set lunchtime or break time, close your office door or find a quiet space and use this time to work on your dream.   It’s your dream and no one else is going to invest in you unless you lead the way.   So when you feel a tug in the direction of your dream, open your heart and make way for the road crew to pave the path of your journey.

 What secret do you wish everyone knew? 

 Life is a game full of love, fun and creativity.  The object of the game is to see how excited we can all be to burst out of bed each morning and face the day ready to share our hearts and souls with each other and the world.   I wish people would give themselves the gift of taking care of themselves and allowing themselves to feel good, because when we feel good, it’s contagious!

For more info and to order Caryn’s new ebook (which is amazingly only $9.95) click here: 

http://bit.ly/g7B8MX

____________________________________________________________________________

Caryn FitzGerald is a mother, wife, friend, writer, healthy foodist, nature lover, teacher, blogger, entrepreneur, coach, and overall lover of life!  She holds a masters degree and her formal training is as a mental health therapist.  She spent many years working in both the prison system and the community sector assisting those facing challenges on redirecting their lifes path. Caryn has been writing in several genres for over thirty years.  Some of her recent work includes: “Tulips in the Sand: A Riley Matthews Mystery” and “Fish Sticks, Books and Blue Jeans – Teaching kids to be thankful for everything (yes, even Fish Sticks) everyday!” which she co-authored with her daughter, Sami.  

Her belief is that a full, abundant life can be created and enjoyed regardless of one’s past. 

Today she enjoys the blessings of playing from home as a writer & speaker, fulfilling her passions by assisting others in learning the techniques required to create the life of their dreams. 

Blog: http://www.EmbracingMyJourney.com

Website: http://www.CarynFitzgerald.com

Forgive Yourself and Try Again

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Saturday was one of those days.  It started off nicely with a run in the woods with my dog, and I was even enjoying the long drive with my daughter to her Saturday morning class. But as the day wore on running one errand after another with now, two cranky pre-adolesents in tow, my sunny disposition began to fade. It reached a crescendo of negativity in the carpet store when both my daughters screamed at my husband and I for our carpet choice.  “Seriously Mom, flax?  You’re going to put flax carpet in our house!  It’s worse that ugly! You’re not touching my room! I’m keeping my carpet.”  etc., etc.  I’ll spare you the rest, but let’s just say the language got more colorful and spilled over to our other decorating choices…delivered at an ear-piercing decibel in the car.  I wanted to open to the car door, kick them out and leave them standing by the side of the road.

I didn’t though.  Like every other time, I breathed through it, and eventually they both calmed down and apologized to me.  However it’s moments like those where my ability to practice proactive gratitude aludes me.  How can I think of something to be grateful for at that moment? I can’t. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect.  I can, however, chose to forgive myself, see what lesson I can take from the experience, and try again.

It has been becoming clear to me recently that one daughter, in particular, reflects my shadow.  She acts out…in dramatic fashion…those places in me I refuse to accept about myself.  My healing then, comes when I can recognize those places, embrace them in me and forgive myself.  In this instance, her outburst reminded me that I have been pretty judgmental of the way in which my place of worship is decorated…really hating the color it’s painted, etc.  I don’t scream it of course. But the judgement is in me just the same.  I had the opportunity to recognize that on Saturday (after I had calmed down) embrace my judgemental thoughts, forgive myself, and then choose to be more accepting and gentler in my views.

That’s where the gratitude comes in.  I couldn’t get to this realization until I had wrapped my mind around something I was grateful for.  That day, I was soooooooo grateful that we had a babysitter coming that night and my husband and I could go out and enjoy ourselves.  I think I had never been so grateful for a babysitter!  After that huge gratitude others came easily. That’s when I was able to have the realization about the shadow.  One gratitude followed another and the rest of the weekend was wonderful.

The lesson again?  To Forgive Ourselves.  It’s okay to get caught up in a negative moment. We’re all human.  It’s just not okay to stay there. When we can, let’s bring our mind back to something for which to be grateful…anything…but make it big…really feel the gratitude. Then we can look at what lesson there may be for us in the situation…embrace it and move forward in gratitude.

Many blessings.

What Would 13 Positive Thoughts a Day Do?

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I happened to catch the Today Show this morning when a psychologist and Glamour Magazine editor were commenting on a startling report which found that women have on average 13 brutally negative thoughts a day about their bodies. That’s about one every waking hour.  Some had as much as 100.  (Here is the link to the show to find out more:  http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41669051/ns/today-today_health/)   

Then the psychologist repeated this saying that has become common in her field, “Neurons that fire together wire together.”   In other words, thoughts that we have repeatedly throughout the day about ourselves determines how our brain gets wired around our self-concept and, by extension, everything else we perceive.   She suggested that all those hateful thoughts about our body become a habit that keeps us trapped into general low self-esteem and powerlessness.

Well…I’m wondering what would happen if we had 13 positive thoughts about ourselves combined with grateful thoughts about our lives every day?  If the axiom holds true that “Neurons that fire together wire together”, then these thoughts will work together to wire our brains around naturally self-loving, life-loving concepts that produce high self-esteem and self-empowerment.  That’s my theory.

There’s only one way to find out. And because this is the Gratitude Experiment, let’s experiment with this idea: try for this for a few weeks and report back with your results.  So, in conjunction with your regular practice of proactive gratitude, try consciously noticing what you like about your body, your  talents, your brain, your abilities, the way you show up in the world, etc.   See if you can notice just one thing an hour. Or, concentrate these thoughts and notice 6 or 7 things all at once, two times a day…whatever is easiest for you.  But do this consistently.  Then, let me know how it goes for you.

Gratitude List for 2010

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Do you want to end the year on an energetic high and begin the momentum for creating a magnificent New Year?   Then join me in my annual end-of-the-year activity: making a list of 100 things to be grateful for this year.  

Don’t have 100 things to be grateful for you say?  Ah, I’ll bet you do. We all do. You just have to exercise the gratitude part of your brain a bit.

So get out your journal or yellow legal tablet and just start it.  It may seem overwhelming at first, but just start with one…then another one will come…then another.  It doesn’t have to be huge, monumental things.  The small blessings are just as important.  Once you get started you will be amazed at how many things come to you that you hadn’t really considered before. And that’s the great thing about this exercise.  It trains your brain to notice what most people overlook.  And once you do notice it, it’s yours…you own it. It becomes a part of your life.  That energy then carries you into the New Year on a vibration that will attract more and more of same to you.

So go on. Get out your paper and just begin. You can take a couple of days if you want. There’s no rush. Take your time with it and enjoy.  Then, let me know how it goes for you.

Many blessings for a magnificent New Year!

One Power: Two Ways of Using It

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I was thinking the other day about what this Earth would have looked like before we humans got here.  The Earth that God created was perfectly balanced, unspoiled, virgin beauty. 

Then we arrived.  We human beings who had the power to think, plan, manipulate and dominate.  What happened then?  The Earth has most definitely suffered from the results of our manipulation…her waters and air are polluted, her trees are slashed and burned, and her continents are invaded, blood-soaked and conquered.  There’s no doubt humankind’s greed, ego and fear have taken a huge toll on our planet.

Has humankind ever made the planet better?  Yes, I think at times it has.  When we have worked with nature, from a place of love and respect, the results have been to the Earth’s benefit as well as our own.  When we align with positive, creative energy and use our God-given talents to add beauty to the world, we get breathtaking gardens, majestic architecture, inspirational music, dance and art, and resources like water that flows where people need it.

In the same way, there are two ways we humans use our inherent intelligence and co-creative power in our personal lives.  We can us it to create a life of struggle, lack and unhappiness, or we can use it to create an inspirational life of beauty, joy, abundance and love.  In other words, when we are aligned with the natural power of the Universe…which is always limitless good…we co-create the magnificent.  On the other hand, when we are aligned with our fear, greed and ego demands, we create a life of “quiet desperation” as Thoreau wrote about.

One of the most powerful and effective ways to realign with the creative power and the love within us, and thereby access our ability to create a magnificent life, is by practicing proactive gratitude.

Now on the surface, it would appear we must have something in our lives to be grateful for.  And we humans naturally tend to look for the big stuff like financial security, perfect health, successful careers and successful marriages. If we don’t happen to have any one of these big four, most have a harder time finding things to be grateful for. However, I’m absolutely certain that all of us have dozens of blessings in our lives that we can choose to focus on, rather than on what’s missing.  And that’s the point.  Choosing to shift our focus from what’s missing in our lives to the blessings in our lives…and really celebrating those things…makes all the difference in the world.  Here’s why…

 When we continually focus on our blessings (however small we think they may be) we are actively aligning with our creative power.  We are shifting our energy in the balance of life which, in itself, attracts more blessings into our lives.  But don’t take my word for it. Do the experiment and prove it to yourself.  Practice proactive gratitude for a few weeks and see if things don’t start changing for you. Not only will you feel happier and more at peace, but you will also notice that there are more and more things for which to be grateful.   Once you’ve reached that “tipping point” in the balance of the positive, you’ll notice that the big 4 areas will begin to shift as well.   Again the practice is…

 1.)    Search for things, events and people in your life…on a daily basis…for which to be grateful.  Be specific.  Some days take more searching than others.  But, set your intention to be aware throughout the day that you are looking for something to be grateful for.

2.)    Celebrate those things.  Begin to really feel good about each one. Give a good “woo-hoo;” do a little dance; sing a song, or just allow yourself to feel like…”yeah, my life is indeed blessed!”

 3.)    Document at least 5 things for which you are grateful daily. You can do this either in your own journal, on this blog in the “comments” section, or on the Gratitude Experiment community on Facebook (The Gratitude Experiment on Facebook) Sharing what you are grateful for increases the energy around it, which then draws to you more to be grateful for.  

Now, don’t you wonder what the Earth would look like if enough of us humans practiced proactive gratitude?  Do you think there would be more peace, more love, more beauty, more prosperity, affordable education, affordable and effective health-care, effective solutions to pollution and global warming? What changes do you imagine?  And how many of those who practice gratitude would it take to tip the balance in this direction?