There’s a woman who comes to clean where I work and she’s one of these people who is really good at what she does, but everything that comes out of her mouth is a complaint. She greets you In the morning with a complaint, and proceeds to find something wrong with everything she encounters…and delights in letting you know about it. All of us know somebody like this. They’re very difficult to be around for very long.
Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with bringing to the attention of whoever’s in charge something that needs fixing. Not at all. But the act of constantly complaining can leave one feeling tired, unhappy and victimized. It tends to suck the life energy out of you and everyone around you. It’s also sad to think of all the blessings of life one misses when one takes life too seriously and can focus only on what’s wrong.
Am I guilty of complaining at times? Sure. And when I catch myself doing it (or, more likely, my husband points it out) I attempt to remedy my attitude by following this general rule of thumb…
- 1. For every critical, negative thing I say, I must find 4 things to be grateful for and comment on those. This effectively shifts my energy to a healthier, more life-affirming one.
2. Take action. If something is wrong and needs attention or fixing, simply complaining about it isn’t going to fix it. That just makes me feel like a victim. So, I ask myself, “What action steps can I take to remedy this situation, or that will in some small way contribute to the betterment of something?” If it’s one of those things that you just can’t change , then…
3. Breathe and accept. Some things – however much we can’t stand them – just cannot be changed (politics and natural disasters comes to mind). I need to learn to accept that this is part of life on this planet and breathe through it.
When I can catch myself complaining and follow the guideline above, my energy stays high, and I joyously remember what a blessed life I have. It is my belief that the more positive our energy is, the more blessings we attract into our lives. In fact, this has been the case for me.
Next time you catch yourself complaining, try these steps and see how it makes you feel. Then, let me know by adding your comments below.
What a wonderful post, and a topic that should be discussed more! Your three points of action are fabulous! I have been using the multiple-positive-statements-for-a-negative trick, and I love it. It helps bring my attention to what I am really saying, and then shifts it to a positive. I also use the same mentality if I catch myself saying something negative about someone…I have to say five positive things about the person if I said a negative.
One other trick I would like to add is believing. Believing that all happens for good…even that which we may consider bad. Believing that the universe knows best and will take care of me has helped greatly in moments of getting caught up in complaining. It stops the negative chatter of the ego and immediately centers me in the truth.
Great addition to these three tips. Yes, absolutely! Thanks for sharing it Shanie!
Yes, this is a beautiful post. But what about the person in question? When someone behaves this way, any positive comment from anyone else just brings out more complaints…it saddens me so much to see some of my loved ones act this way. I pray for them to be aware of their blessings and to find joy and I practice being more joyful and grateful when in their presence. This does not seem to help as I am then seen as simply luckier or stronger than they are…the only thing that has seemed to help is to offer unconditional love in that moment to the person in distress, to not receive their complaints as a personal attack (it does feel like it sometimes) and to help them voice their concerns and fears in words, no matter how small and unimportant they seem to me.
Do you have other suggestions on how to help without being swept away by the person’s negativity and selfish attitude?
Thanks for your website and posts!
Thank you Char. It’s a good conversation to have. What do you do when someone is a constant complainer? There is no “rule of thumb” for this, because everyone is different, so all approaches are dependent on that person. Sometimes, that person may be shocked out of their complaining daze if you said, “Okay, now we’ve covered enough of what’s wrong, let’s focus on something that IS going well.” Maybe you could use the non-violent communication approach and say something like, “I see you’re feeling frustrated because I’m guessing you may need to feel heard (or whatever you’re sensing they need.)” Sometimes it’s helpful to ask them what they’ve done to correct the situation. Sometimes none of that works and you just need to walk away and send them love silently.