Saturday was one of those days.  It started off nicely with a run in the woods with my dog, and I was even enjoying the long drive with my daughter to her Saturday morning class. But as the day wore on running one errand after another with now, two cranky pre-adolesents in tow, my sunny disposition began to fade. It reached a crescendo of negativity in the carpet store when both my daughters screamed at my husband and I for our carpet choice.  “Seriously Mom, flax?  You’re going to put flax carpet in our house!  It’s worse that ugly! You’re not touching my room! I’m keeping my carpet.”  etc., etc.  I’ll spare you the rest, but let’s just say the language got more colorful and spilled over to our other decorating choices…delivered at an ear-piercing decibel in the car.  I wanted to open to the car door, kick them out and leave them standing by the side of the road.

I didn’t though.  Like every other time, I breathed through it, and eventually they both calmed down and apologized to me.  However it’s moments like those where my ability to practice proactive gratitude aludes me.  How can I think of something to be grateful for at that moment? I can’t. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect.  I can, however, chose to forgive myself, see what lesson I can take from the experience, and try again.

It has been becoming clear to me recently that one daughter, in particular, reflects my shadow.  She acts out…in dramatic fashion…those places in me I refuse to accept about myself.  My healing then, comes when I can recognize those places, embrace them in me and forgive myself.  In this instance, her outburst reminded me that I have been pretty judgmental of the way in which my place of worship is decorated…really hating the color it’s painted, etc.  I don’t scream it of course. But the judgement is in me just the same.  I had the opportunity to recognize that on Saturday (after I had calmed down) embrace my judgemental thoughts, forgive myself, and then choose to be more accepting and gentler in my views.

That’s where the gratitude comes in.  I couldn’t get to this realization until I had wrapped my mind around something I was grateful for.  That day, I was soooooooo grateful that we had a babysitter coming that night and my husband and I could go out and enjoy ourselves.  I think I had never been so grateful for a babysitter!  After that huge gratitude others came easily. That’s when I was able to have the realization about the shadow.  One gratitude followed another and the rest of the weekend was wonderful.

The lesson again?  To Forgive Ourselves.  It’s okay to get caught up in a negative moment. We’re all human.  It’s just not okay to stay there. When we can, let’s bring our mind back to something for which to be grateful…anything…but make it big…really feel the gratitude. Then we can look at what lesson there may be for us in the situation…embrace it and move forward in gratitude.

Many blessings.